This or You
by Bellatrix Kale
Summary: Loss hurts, yet somehow always leads to a gain. - Ben/Jesse, future!fic.


**Title:** This or You  
**Character/Pairing:** Ben Braeden/Jesse Turner, mentions of Dean and Sam Winchester, Lisa Braeden.  
**Word Count:** 1703  
**Rating:** T+  
**Warnings:** Future!fic, mentions to a character's death, slash, angst, alcoholism?  
**Summary:** Loss hurts, yet somehow always leads to a gain.  
**Notes:** Ben's older PB is Alex O'Loughlin and Jesse's is Norman Reedus. I just really love these two. ;-; This was meant to be smut but it turned out fluff, whoops.

* * *

A few hunts and a lot of time bonding are what brought Ben and Jesse together. Ben was never one for working with other hunters since the Winchester genes in him made the guy so stubborn headed, but he always found himself making an exception for Jesse. Even after they parted ways after their first meeting – which ended up being months later.

But anytime Jesse would call about something, whether it would be a hunt, a question, or just needing advice – Ben jumped. Maybe it was because he was an only child and Jesse's innocence reminded him of one that a younger sibling would have. He really wasn't sure.

The answering of the calls stopped though shortly after Lisa Braeden passed away though. Ben couldn't do much beyond keep his nose to the grindstone and just hunt every last creature he could find. Anything to get his mind off his mother's death. And it worked for a while, until Jesse finally called him six months later.

As soon as the name popped up on his phone's screen, the now older man frowned. He'd avoided two of his calls within the past month. How did he go about doing this?

Clearing his throat, Ben answered. He shifted his back and leaned against the headboard of the bed in his motel room before saying, "Hey Jesse."

"Hey." It wasn't entirely the voice of a curious young man anymore, but he could still notice the traces of it still. Lips upturned into a smile at his voice as he listened to Jesse speak. "You never called back. Is everything okay? …I was worried."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a lot going on. That's all."

There was a pause of silence and Jesse said, "Oh. Do you wanna talk about anything?"

Wasn't it usually Ben asking if Jesse wanted to talk about anything? He furrowed his brow and shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. He didn't want to talk about his mom's untimely, yet natural death. He didn't want to talk about the funeral or how his dad actually showed up. And he especially didn't want to discuss the fight that they had over it all that would've probably ended in blows if Sam hadn't have forced them apart and dragged Dean away.

"Ben?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry. No. There's nothing to talk about." Realizing Jesse may have needed something; Ben dropped his hand back to his side and asked, "What did you call about?"

"Nothing, I just…" Jesse trailed off. Ben could practically picture the younger man on the phone with that same old nervous expression on his face. "I was just gonna see where you were and if I could come visit."

Ben sighed. That was it? Jesus, why hadn't he answered when Jesse called? He could've used a friend after losing his mom. He was so stupid sometimes. "I'm in Cicerco, Indiana at the Perchance Motel on Leadermine Boulevard. You can drop by. I don't mind."

"I'll be there shortly."

That was the last Ben heard of the other's voice for half an hour, which Ben spent cracking open a bottle of whiskey and finishing off a good amount of it. Sometime at the forty five minutes mark, there was knocking on his door. He got up, blinking away the fuzz from the corners of his vision, and opened the door. There stood the same young man he picked up off the side of the road too many years ago, same innocent expression on his face and same small smile that didn't want to be wiped away – he was just older. And his hair was lighter. Ben suspected it had been dyed or Jesse spent more time outside than he used to.

"Hi," Jesse said, smile growing. The smile stopped though after a moment of lapsed silence between them. "You look tired. Have you been sleeping?" He pushed past Ben into the room and Ben gave a sigh. Leave it to Jesse to be concerned about well beings. That was something he didn't entirely miss.

Shutting and locking the door, Ben shrugged. "Same as usual." He turned to notice Jesse putting his bag on the small couch in the room and raised his brow. "Staying?"

"Well…yeah. If you don't mind. I was just about to come back to the states anyways."

"Where were you?" Ben questioned, moving to sit on the edge of the bed and grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the nightstand.

Jesse crossed the room to sit next to Ben and tapped his boots on the floor before answering. "Australia again. It's a good weather right now for surfing."

A long swig of the whiskey and Ben was holding the bottle towards Jesse, even though he knew the guy still didn't drink even though it was explained that the stuff won't kill a person. He got a wave of a hand as the 'no thanks', so Ben shrugged and downed more of it. He wasn't expecting a hand to come up and pull the bottle gently from him while another was on his forearm. "Ben, stop. Please? That's not good for you."

Grumbling, he knew there was no use fighting Jesse and let him take the bottle from him. "I thought you understood it won't kill someone?"

"I do but…you've been drinking a lot lately, Ben," he said quietly, just looking at the bottle and moving it to make the liquid inside stir. A suspicious look was shot in Jesse's direction, who went on to say, "I'm sorry. You weren't answering your phone and I was worried so I tracked you down."

He watched as the other sat the bottle down on the floor, farthest from his feet. "You mean you've been following me?"

Silence sunk in a moment until Jesse finally said, "Yeah." He paused, adding quietly, "I'm sorry."

Expression dropping from the irritated one he'd adopted, Ben frowned. "You heard then about…?" He couldn't say it; he was already choking up thinking about it. A nod and apologetic look was about all it took for Ben to start biting into his lower lip to prevent tears. He didn't cry at the funeral, wouldn't let himself because he didn't think his mom would want that. The fight with his dad and then hunting had been outlets but now…he didn't have an outlet since Jesse took his drink.

"I...went and said hi to her." Ben could see Jesse shifting and trying to duck his head to see him better. "I don't think she'd want you to be upset. Or drinking." The younger man moved to the floor, on his knees while hands went to Ben's neck to get him to look at him. Ben looked, only to see Jesse trying a smile at him. "It'll get better."

He had probably been drinking too much and it put his head in a weird place, and he probably was just looking for another vice to keep his half fuzzed over mind occupied when Ben moved the small space forward to kiss Jesse, a hand curling around the other man's elbow.

Jesse froze at first and gave a muffled sound before Ben found himself unable to move and Jesse parting from him, putting inches between the while staring. The half demon did this once before when they were younger, back they were on a hunt and a creature almost found Ben. It wasn't one of Jesse's abilities that he favored, by far.

"Sorry," Jesse mumbled, shaking his head as Ben found himself able to move again. "You startled me."

A tiny hint of a smile seemed to make its way onto Jesse's face and Ben took this as an okay on his part, hands moving to frame Jesse's face and give him a pleading look. "I didn't mean to startle you, but please don't freeze me again." He moved carefully, pressing a gentler kiss to the other before resting his forehead against the Cambion's. Word just started to fall from Ben's mouth then and he couldn't' stop.

"Please Jesse. Let me. I care and won't leave you, you know that." A sigh and he continued on by saying, "I need this. No, you. I need you. …Please?"

This was the lowest Jesse ever saw him at and it made Ben's pride want to curl up and die. And he wasn't even sure what all his words meant as he said them, but at least he could say they weren't lies. He did care about the other man – had since the day he met him. And maybe he did need him around to keep him straight; it wasn't like anyone else did.

Both pairs of eyes searched the other for answers, unsure and almost confused were Jesse's; weary and hurt were Ben's. A few short beats later and Jesse carefully inched himself closer to Ben. "…Okay. Scoot back and I'll lay with you."

It wasn't exactly what Ben had been aiming for but for once? He wasn't about to complain. The comfort was enough for the night and he knew that Jesse still had his shy side that he was wary of. He scooted back and as soon as Jesse was laying on his side, Ben curled up next to him and left light kisses to his jaw.

The tiniest of pleased sounds came from Jesse as he put an arm around Ben. "Ben, please. You should sleep. You've been drinking."

"Only if you don't leave," he said, lips ghosting against Jesse's neck as he spoke.

"I won't. Honest."

Another small kiss to his neck and Ben found how comfortable he was at Jesse's side. He nodded once and breathed easily, shutting his eyes. Sleep came quickly and the arm around him never left him, not even in the morning when he woke up groaning about a hangover and being embarrassed for what he said. It didn't change anything though. Jesse was set on staying and kissed Ben's cheek before moving to the small kitchen area to make Ben breakfast

And you know what? Ben didn't mind any of it like he thought he would. He relished the company from the other and watched him fondly from bed.


End file.
